My Dream

What Do I Wanna Be In The Future?

Well, speaking about dream, I’m still figuring things out about what I really wanna be, what I really wanna do in the future. When I was little, I had always wanted to be a princess. To be honest I still do but its not as easy as it used to be back then. As I grow up, I start to see the world in so many point of views. 

English has always been my favorite subject so when I was in middle school, I had always dreamed to be working abroad. When people asked me what I wanna be back then, I always answered that I wanna work abroad, but not as a TKI, of course. Duh. When my mom heard about my weird kind of dream, she told me to be a diplomat. She said that I could get a job abroad as one, and I had to take the International Relations degree to be one. I agreed that time. I really wanted to be a diplomat, so I could get out of Indonesia ASAP lol. If u ask me why I was so desperate to work abroad,  that’s because  I wanted to marry a foreign guy, well I still do but yeah.

But as the time flies, I feel like International Relations is just not really for me. I’m so not into these politic stuffs so I had to drop my dream as a diplomat. Its not where my passion is. But now, I’ve figured where it actually is. I want to be a psychologist. I love exploring human emotions which are oftenly misunderstood. I really want to help people who is having difficulties of finding themselves. I want to help people who is going through something like I’ve ever been before. 

But in my case, my mother apparently doesn’t think the same. She doesn’t really want me to be a psychologist. She wants me to be a doctor, or maybe a civil servant, so I would have a better and stable living in the future. I don’t want to be a doctor. I hate hospitals, I cry whenever I see an accident on the street, its just not where I belong to. Its like, I want to be a doctor but it just doesn’t fit me. 

I’m a big dreamer. I would do anything to get what I want. I don’t easily give up. But I’m also an overthinker. I always think the ‘what if’s. And I suck at socializing. I’ve always been socially anxious and awkward. I can’t speak in front a lot of people. I can’t even meet a new person without being awkward. 

So yeah, I’m still figuring things out. At one point, I want to be what I really wanna be. But at another point, I want to be what my mother wants me to be. There are still a million dreams that I can’t point out one by one, there are so much more ahead of me and I hope I’ll figure things out soon, and I know I’m going to achieve it. :)